Dumblight: A Twilight Spoof by Methenie Steyer
by Claire Violet Thorpe
Summary: A spoof of Twilight as written by me. Becca Raven moves to Snorks, Washingtorn and she falls for a boy named Edmund Dullen. Trouble is...Edmund's a vampire! Can this love story get off the ground?
1. Prologue

**The Dumblight Saga** by Mephenie Steyer (which is a spoof of the _Twilight_ Saga)

Lovers and haters of Twilight unite! We are presenting to you a unique, all-in-one spoof of the Twilight Saga. A boring, rather klutzy girl named Becca Raven has spent her entire life looking for love in all the wrong books. After she breaks up with her latest boyfriend, Harry Podder (because he decided to marry the stupid Mary-Sue "Ugly Betty"-like brat Ninny Pleasley), Becca decides that it's time to leave her mother Wanda, her new husband Cliff, and her home in Presclott, Arizora and move to Snorks, Washingtorn to live with her dad, Julius.

But Snorks isn't what she expected, not after she meets a strange boy named Edmund Dullen. But Edmund isn't like most boys; for starters, he doesn't eat ANYTHING in the school cafeteria. He saves Becca from being crushed by a giant rolling glue stick. To top it all off, Edmund uses more body glitter than the average 11-year-old girl!

And yes, he's a vampire.

Edmund and Becca fall in love immediately despite Becca's desire to never date again. They must face all sorts of obstacles, such as jealous classmates, ex-boyfriends, other vampires, and even Edmund's entire vampire family! But not to worry, for true love conquers all, even if you've been searching the world for love and you don't even know that it's in front of you all along!

Be forewarned, for once you start reading this story, you can't stop until the story's done!

* * *

Here's a rather hilarious spoof of the _Twilight_ series, as written how I would have written it. I got **Nightlight**, which is a spoof of _Twilight_ written by the Harvard Lampoon for Christmas and laughed my head off. (I highly suggest that EVERYONE who reads my fanfiction stories to buy this book, you'll love it!!!) Anyway, I think reading a Twilight spoof is fun, even if you hate the series. So let's begin!


	2. Chapter 1

Before I go any further, here's the disclaimer:

Disclaimer: The following stories are based on the works of Stephenie Meyer. I, Claire Violet Thorpe, like the _Twilight_ books and the movies that were made from the books. Also, these stories are my fan fiction writings, and are written only for my own personal enjoyment and for all fans of, but the characters, things, situations, and places are solely the property of Stephenie Meyer and I don't own any part of it!

* * *

You know what they say…meeting a vampire is a very dangerous thing. But I, Rebecca Raven, did not believe in vampires at all.

Not until I met him.

It all began the day I decided to banish myself to Snorks, Washingtorn to live with my father, Julius Raven. As you can see, my mother, Wanda, had (FINALLY) decided to get married to a guy called Cliff Mavid, who was unlike any ball player I ever met.

That's because he played professional dodge ball.

"For the last time, Becca, don't do this to yourself," Wanda cried out as I packed my bags. It wasn't too much for me to pack, seeing as I had sold every trendy piece of filthy clothing to the Salvation Army and got paid for it, and then Wanda took the money and brought me some decent clothes.

So far, I was still 15 outfits shy of being appropriately dressed for Snorks.

"But Mom," I said, "it's for the best. And besides, you yourself said I never spend any time with dad." That had been only half-true, as I had been 6 years old when my parents divorced, and mom took me to Presclott. Every summer in my life I spent with my dad, earning me the envy of all my other classmates. "And you know what happened between me and Harry."

If you wanted to know, Harry Podder and I had been dating for the last 4 years. That was, until he turned 17 years old and on his 17th birthday, he proposed marriage to a very stupid girl named Ninny Pleasley, who (in my opinion) was uglier than Ugly Betty and stupider than a bucket of trash. Ninny was a very stupid girl who's hair was more orange than the Grand Canyon and her clothes had lightning bolts sewn all over them. Runt, Ninny's older brother, had told me that Ninny had been obsessed with Harry since she was 8 years old, when Harry zapped the dark lord Moldyvort for show-and-tell.

I remember the fight Harry and I had, and I ended up breaking up with him. And since we were supposed to go back to school for our senior year and I just didn't feel like facing him and his ***cough, AHEM*** _fiancée_, I had decided to head off to Snorks and start all over.

"If it's about Harry, then I can understand," said Cliff. "He had no right to hurt you in that way. We were supposed to go to Mapta, Flow-Riga anyway. They want me to go pro."

"But I thought only baseball and basketball and football players went pro," I said.

"And it's time for dodge ball to take center stage," said Cliff. He was also a notary public, and he had made enough money to buy us a nice house in Flow-Riga. If I wanted to go with them, however.

I sighed and went to the phone. Harmonica Quailer had been calling me day and night, but I ignored her. Now that Harry and I were finished, I now had no desire to be associated with any of his so-called "friends" at all. I unplugged the phone and frowned. I was going to be happy when I left this crappy life of hooking up with people, only to dump them when they started acting stupid. I knew them all: Boland Volterclaire, Deter Bevensie, John Nayder, and even that idiot called Lyle Jonathan, who claimed that he loved me, only to knock up poor little Missy Ludwig last year.

Anyway, I found myself sitting on the plane preparing to leave Presclott and my lame old crappy life behind. I hoped that living in Snorks would be better than the crap that I had put myself through the last 11 years.

But then I met him and my whole life changed…


	3. Chapter 2

My father, Julius, was the police commissioner in Snorks, which means that he drives the fanciest cop car around. But I was not about to let myself be driven in ANY car that was painted red, white, or blue.

The little money I was allowed to make because in Presclott, it was the poor people who worked and not teenagers, went towards a car my father had brought for me. It was an old Volkswagen van, which had been pained orange. Urgh. Orange, just like the hair of that stupid Ninny Pleasley. I made a mental note in my mind to paint the car later.

"So how was your flight?" asked Julius as he drove me home.

"Boring and uneventful," I said. I wasn't lying there, for it was better to have a boring and eventful flight than an exciting and deadly one.

I stared out the window, grateful that it was raining outside. Snorks was under a rainy blanket, and it rained every few days. Not that I didn't mind, but living in a sunny place for 10 years does kind of wear on you after a while.

"How'd you get the car?" I asked, knowing that I just wasn't ready to talk about Harry just yet.

"Do you remember Boris Blue, who lives in ElDofadro?" Julius asked. ElDofadro was the little Indian reservation some miles from Snorks. The people there had owned that land for centuries.

"Yes, I remember him," I said. "He's one of your movie-watching buddies." I had gone to his house one summer and saw that he had an impressive library filled with almost every movie imaginable. That's what happens when you run the only theater in ElDofadro as well as the #1 car repair place in Snorks.

"Well," said Julius, "last year, he had gotten into a very bad accident while buying the new Spiderman film and now he can't walk. And because he can't walk, he couldn't drive his van. He had it cleaned out and fixed up, hoping that his son Jesse would want to drive it. But I suggested you instead; you'd be able to give the van a new paint job."

I smiled secretly. I would make sure that the van would use some work, but it was a start. I had sold my Porsche to pay for my plane ticket and I was happy, for driving used cars was illegal in Presclott.

"We're here," Julius announced as he pulled up to the second house I remembered. He lived alone but worked long nights. I would be by myself a good deal of the time. I needed it after years of being surrounded by Runt, Harmonica, Jania (Boland's sister), Elric (Deter's brother), and Missy.

We pulled up at the house and I went to unpack while Julius got dinner ready. "I hope you like Chinese takeout," he said earlier. I nodded. Chinese takeout had never been my favorite dish. My old room, if you want to know what it looks like, is an insignificant room, but quite shadowy. The walls are an ornate pattern of bricks, broken up by delicate, dark rose curtains on the windows. I guess Julius didn't have much time to clean up, although at some point, he had replaced the little furniture I had as a child with the furniture of the next door neighbor whose daughter committed suicide after I had left 2 summers earlier.

We had just sat down to eat dinner when all of a sudden, the old TV Wanda had brought when she and Julius were first married blew up. "Oh that's just great!" Julius snapped. "I don't get paid until next week and the TV blows up! That's real good!"

I frowned, thinking of the HD TV Cliff had purchased a few months earlier, but said nothing. Julius would call buying an HD TV a waste of money. "I'll have to see about getting a new TV," Julius said at last, "even if they want to push one of those damned HD TVs at me." In Snorks, everyone knew that he spends his weekends cleaning and restoring old things to good use, but never anything electronic. Electronic items, he had said, were better off brought new, yet he was able to take two Mac laptops and make them run like new. I had to leave my old computer in Presclott, since it was too big for my suitcase.

I had the Mac set up and the first email I got was from Wanda. It said: _Did your flight get in ok? How is Julius? Is everything all right? Harmonica and Jania were quite upset when I told them that you had left. You need to talk to them. Please reply soon._

I sighed and typed in_ Everything's fine, mom. It's just that dad's TV broke down and we don't have enough money to buy a new one just yet. And as for Harmonica and Jania, they have made their choice regarding Harry and me and they need to know that and quit bothering me._

I pressed send and then went to bed. In a few days, I would be starting school and already I was going to be the talk of the town. Me, Rebecca Raven, whose mentally unstable mother took her and left Snorks nearly 10 years before and who had just dumped her famous yet pedophiliac boyfriend last week. That alone won't help me much in the social department.

But I had no idea that it would attract a strange boy to me…

* * *

Ok, so that's chapter 2 of **Dumblight**. I know you all think that I'm bashing Harry Potter by making him out to be a sick jerk, but here's my thing: _I used to be a Harry Potter fan until the 7th HP book came out. I read it and it was just the saddest writing in the history of every book I had ever read in life, because the quality of the writing was so poor. I mean, I was so mad when I had stuck by the series for 10 years, only to discover that the book appeared to be written by a person who couldn't tell the difference between a unicorn and a goblin. I mean, what was JKR smoking when she wrote that book, anyway?_

So review and subscribe, as you'll never know when the next chapter is coming out!


	4. Chapter 3

When my little van pulled up into Snorks High School, everyone did a double take. Despite the amount of time and effort I had spent to ACTUALLY scrape that crappy old orange paint off the vehicle and paint it a decent color, some orange spots managed to show through the paint. So I took some spray cans and spray painted that joker **BLACK**.

So here I am with a **BLACK** van and not much else, since I decided to wear my patched-up blue jeans and a stiff cotton top. Before I got too far, a boy came up to me and said, "You must be Rebecca Raven, aren't you? I heard you was here in town."

"_Becca_, if you please," I replied in kind. "And ***DON'T*** ever call me _Becky_. I knew a few people who made that mistake and let's just say the scene was not pretty. So, what's your name?"

"Logan Negron," said Logan.

Just then, a girl called out, "Hey, Logan, who's that with you?"

"It's just Becca Raven," said Logan. He then said, "That's Melissa Mueller, our resident cheerleader."

"I'm not a cheerleader," Melissa snapped. "I only look like one." She looked me over and said, "So, you're Becca Raven, aren't you?"

"Yes," I said.

"Well then, Becca," said Melissa, "let's get hopping! Class begins soon and Mr. Bernotti is not a very patient man."

I nodded and we all headed into (guess what?) ENGLISH!!! I had always hated that class because Harmonica Quailer ALWAYS managed to make me look like an idiot in that class. And in every other class I was in.

Another boy was seen eyeing me. "Watch it, Chris," said Logan. "Christian MacDonald," said Chris. "My family runs a little boating shop in town. Perhaps you can stop by sometime?"

"Perhaps," I said as I took my seat next to a girl named Rhea Fox.

After a few torturous hours of having to introduce myself to the class, I was more than happy to get away from teachers and textbooks and desks and actually EAT some school lunch (which wasn't allowed in my old school back in Presclott).

I had just grabbed my lunch and was about to sit down at my seat when I saw several people walk in. "Oh, it's just the Dullen family," said Melissa when I asked. "That blonde girl is called Renee and that big guy's name is Everett. The other two are called Jordan and Angelica. Edmund is the youngest in the family. And then there's little Josie Candice; they adopted her." I gasped as I saw SIX people all sitting at the table next to the window, all eating lunch.

"They were all adopted by Chad and Ellen Dullen," said Rhea. "And it's a shame that Mrs. Dullen couldn't have children of her own. Chad is the local doctor here, even if he looks more like a supermodel than an actual doctor."

"Eat your heart out, Brad Pitt," Melissa seconded her.

"So, are any of them…dating?" I hesitated to ask.

"Yeah," said Chris. "Renee's dating Everett; they're nuts about each other. Angelica and Jordan are together as well."

"But Josie is only 13 years old and she's too young for a boyfriend," said Chris. "And we're not even sure why Edmund doesn't have a girlfriend yet."

"You forgot that he's gay," said Logan.

"Yeah, and that too," said Rhea.

I stared at the boy named Edmund for a long time. He didn't seem to do anything but just sit there. But the others were laughing as they ate and talked. Or it was just Josie eating and everyone else talking. But all the same, they appeared to be the strangest set of siblings I had ever met.

After lunch ended, I rushed to my next class, which was science with Mrs. Hammond. She said, "Miss Raven, I had made it clear that I wasn't about to take any more newcomers. I have way too many students right now." She wasn't kidding; nearly 45 people were crowded into a classroom that was built for only 12 people. She then said, "You can have a seat right next to Mr. Dullen over there while I complain to the principal, again."

I nodded and went to take my seat next to Edmund, who was sitting in the back of the classroom. As soon as I had reached my seat, Edmund darted out the classroom to everyone's surprise. "Get back here, Edmund Dullen!" Mrs. Hammond snapped.

"You've done it now, Becca," I muttered to myself as the lesson began. "You've barely been on Snorks one week and already your reputation as a heartbreaker precedes you. You should just give up any hope that someone like Edmund Dullen or any other boy will ever love you." People looked at me real strange, but said nothing. I knew that I was going to have to get to the bottom of why Edmund Dullen had ran out of the room when I showed up.

* * *

Ok, chapter 3 of **Dumblight** has been completed, and we have met the Dullen siblings. And Josie was supposed to represent Jacquel Romanov if she had stayed with the Cullens instead of going to Hogwarts.

And I know most of you will flip when you realize that I made Edmund out to be gay, but it's not really true. Edmund only claims to be gay so he can get those hordes of annoying fangirls off his back. Let's see how he does against Becca Raven.

So review and subscribe, as you'll never know when the next chapter is coming out!


	5. Chapter 4

The next day I went back to school, and there was no Edmund. I wondered why, until I realized that I had made him run off. But Josie Candice Dullen was there and boy, was she PO'd. Why wouldn't she be? After all, I chased her brother out the classroom yesterday.

And yesterday was when I also heard about Edmund and his rather unusual family.

I was at my locker getting out my stuff for the day. I had with me my math workbook, my netbook, my iPod (which has ALL the music from my favorite band...Linkin Park) and some books written by J. R. R. Tolkien, N. K. Franz, C. J. Thomas, C. S. Lewis, and Tom Cruise's graphic novel, which explained why he jumped on Oprah's couch a few years back.

I had my bag loaded up and was about to head to class when I saw her. Josie was wearing tye-dye jeans and a t-shirt with the words screaming "**THIS IS IT**" on it with a silhouette of a certain musician whose death literally stopped the world. That sad day was also known as the day that music truly died. Now all we have is sad old screaming. And it sucks.

Josie said, "You mind?" Her brown hair was worn in a tight braid and her sandals just seemed to be too inappropriate for the weather here in Snorks. She looked me over and said, "So, you're the one who scared Edmund off yesterday."

"Well," I began.

"Renee wasn't very happy about that at all," said Josie. "She yelled at Edmund and Chad had to step in..."

"Where are they?" I asked.

"Not here," said Josie with a scowl on her face. "They don't like to come on sunny days." Sunny days? I never really did like sunny days at all. "But I have to, of course," Josie said again. "Chad said, "_You need all the education you can get_." Like why would I need to, especially if I'm taking online courses at several universities?"

I walked off and joined Rhea, wondering about that strange girl named Josie Dullen. _Who was she? Why was she in school when her siblings weren't? And online courses? College? Who is this girl???_

At lunchtime, I saw Josie sitting with several other girls. Teenyboppers. That's what she was. I never did like those annoying teenyboppers, with their pop music tastes and their obsession with everything anti-Miley and how they plan to come up with the next brother band sensation so they can knock off the Jonas brothers, whom most of them hated.

I didn't see too much of her, since we were both in different classes. But the next day, I saw her again. This time, her t-shirt said "**DOWN WITH MILEY CYRUS; SUPPORT TAYLOR SWIFT**!!!" Teenybopper.

With her was Angelica Dullen; her outfit consisted of a purple suit with a strand of pearls. She looked more like a businesswoman than a high school junior. The other Dullens were nowhere to be seen.

At lunch, I saw them chatting a bit as Josie seemed to push her food around a bit. She wasn't eating much, though.

Well, it would be a good while before I would see Edmund again. Six days at the most. And even then, that would be nothing compared to what happened next...

* * *

Ok, chapter 4 of **Dumblight** has been completed, and Becca is very curious as to why Edmund never showed up in school while Josie did. And why would Josie pose as a teenybopper while trying to take down Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers?

And what's going to happen to poor Becca when she next meets Edmund? Stay tuned!

So review and subscribe, as you'll never know when the next chapter is coming out!


	6. Chapter 5

Six days have passed since my first encounter with Edmund Dullen.

That was also the day it decided to SNOW!!!

I'm not kidding. SNOW is falling in Snorks.

I got dressed and ran outside into the snow; I haven't seen any snow since I was 6 years old. There was no snow for me to play in when I lived in Presclott; snow was regulated to the mountains and my mother refused to hear about any snow-filled place at all. The only time I was able to see my dad was during the summer and NEVER winter, when it would be easier to visit him at all.

After a while, I lugged out a shovel and began clearing the snow from the driveway, where I had parked my van. A next-door neighbor frowned and muttered, "Not again! I wish could move to a warmer climate and not have to deal with all this snow."

"You don't want to do that," I told him as I shoveled yet another pile of snow into my front yard. "You'll soon grow miserable and wish for cold weather when Christmas comes and the weather has never changed." I then gathered up my books and headed to school.

When I got there, everyone else was staring at a rather large object. I said to Rhea, "What are they looking at?"

Rhea said, "That." Before us was a huge glue stick, or a paper-mache replica of it in front of the entire school. No one knew where it came from or even who created that huge thing in the first place.

Just then, Madeoff the janitor came and said, "You kids like it?"

"Where did you steal this from?" cried a girl.

"Bloor's Academy, which is right down the street," said Madeoff. Bloor's was a special arts academy specializing in music, theater, art, and building computers.

A boy yelled, "You would steal from that school?"

"Who wouldn't?" yelled Madeoff. "Anyway, I'm sick of that damned school getting all the state funding and the recognition while we have nothing."

"It's a public school," said another girl. "What do you expect?"

"Oh shut up!" snapped Madeoff.

That did it. The same girl grabbed a snowball and threw it at Madeoff. She missed and it hit a handicapped kid in the back of his head. The Special Ed teacher with him gave her a stern look, but then a boy yelled out, "SNOWBALL FIGHT!!!"

Very soon, the entire student parking lot was filled with kids throwing snowballs at each other. I ended up taking a lot of abuse from teh other kids, who thought me stupid for not knowing how to make a snowball and throw it at someone.

I saw Josie standing with another girl, chatting. That was, until a well-aimed snowball smacked her in the face. "EVERETT DULLEN, YOU'RE DEAD!" she yelled.

"Bring it on, Jo!" yelled Everett.

Now the fight was really going and Rhea and I took the very rare chance to sneak into the school and get to class ON TIME before the rest of the student population realized that this was a school day and not a snow day and that they should get to class. But blocking our way was that giant glue stick, which had been violently attacked and was slowly dying in the fight. "Uh-oh," said Rhea. "I say we should get out of here."

I agreed, but before I could take another step, the glue stick fell off its foundation and was now rolling towards us. "Run for it!" I cried out.

Students everywhere were diving out of the way of the giant glue stick. I ran back to my van, knowing that something made from paper wouldn't last against a VW van. I had barely enough time to open the door and jump in when...

WOOSH! I turned around and saw EDMUND DULLEN standing between the van and the glue stick, the whole thing now a pile of mush that was on the ground. Edmund stared at me for a second before taking off in the opposite direction.

Rhea rushed to my side. "Are you alright, Becca?"

"I think so," I said back. Everyone had stopped fighting and went to inspect the damage. There was none to be had, but I did receive a bruising bump on the side of my nose which seemed to grow bigger by the minute.

"Of all the crimes that could be committed on a snowy day, this takes the cake," the Police Chief Michael Doyle cried out as he approached the van. "And I was supposed to be out there, catching truants and parents who insist on keeping their kids home from school because "_it's a snow day_". Well, I'm not buying it."

"So this is the straw that broke the camel's back," said Julius as he too showed up, along with Dr. Bloor and the principal of our school. Well, what was going to happen? "This guy here stole a glue stick and tried to hide it here," said the same girl. Little snitch.

"Thank you very much, Miss Lellowyn," said Julius. To Madeoff, he said, "You will be finding yourself without a job and behind bars if this turns out to be true." Madeoff said nothing else, but he did run off. Which proved his guilt.

Dr. Bloor was furious. He angrily insisted that the art club repair the damage done to the glue stick, and write an apology note to Professor Yewbeam, who was not very happy because her students had worked long and hard on that glue stick, only to have it unravel itself all over the parking lot of our school.

With that, I had to be driven to the hospital because though I was ok, it was NOT ok to have a giant bruise on the side of my nose. Julius remained with me the whole time while Officer Doyle went on about pressing charges against Madeoff and seeing to it that he would have to do community service.

But I didn't care about that at all, because the door to my room opened and in walked the most beautiful man I had ever seen in my life (except for those damned Hollywood stars, of course!). He had light brown hair and brown eyes, dressed in the traditional doctor's outfit with a white jacket over his suit and he stared at me.

Ok, cue that song by that one group, what was it called? Oh yeah! Foreigner's "_I Wanna Know What Love Is_"

That had to be Chad Dullen, as the nametag on his coat said. He said, "So I understand that your daughter had an accident involving snowballs and a giant glue stick, Commissioner Raven?"

Julius said, "Well, if you want to call it that."

"That explains the bruise she has on the right side of her nose," said Chad as he looked at the huge bruise. "But what I'll do is stick a needle in there and pop it. There's no need for her to have that bruise there for the world to see." He then called for a sewing needle, tissues, and a bottle of alcohol. The nurse handed him the tools, blushing as she went.

"Don't mind her," said Chad. "I have that effect on women. In fact, I've worked in many hospitals over the years and many women have gazed at me with wonder. Perhaps they've been watching too much of that _Gray's Anatomy_."

And with a slight POP!, that nasty old growing bruise was gone, picked by the alcohol-covered needle and it was shrinking rapidly. "She's going to be just fine, sir," Chad said to Julius as he watched me hold tissues to my face and soak up any blood that dared to escape from the wound. "She doesn't go back to school for the rest of the week, however. It's too dangerous and who knows what might happen tomorrow."

Not going back to school? Well, it is a big disappointment since we have a test in math over the probability of Tiger Woods hitting a golf ball over the same distance as the area of Siberia. Which is kind of impossible once you think about it.

Anyway, we head back home and while Julius was making phone calls telling the attendance people that I wouldn't be able to attend class for the rest of the week, I was in my room thinking about that Chad Dullen and how he seemed to appeal to the scores of women he was around with. Too bad none of them realized that he was a married father. Even little Josie could say that.

Speaking of which, later that afternoon I received a delivery at my front door. Well, homework was not a thing to be delivered; that honor was usually reserved for pizzas. But anyway, I opened the door and it was Angelica and Jordan Dullen with a pile of homework just for me.

I said, "Ok, explain to me what just happened back there?"

"What?" asked Jordan.

"How and why on earth was Edmund able to jump between me and the glue stick at a moment's notice?" I cried out.

Angelica said, "Well, that's one of his best attributes. He's very fast and strong. But not as strong as Everett, though. I hate to be Josie's boyfriend in a matter of years and trying to get a date with her."

"She has three older brothers who won't stand for that at all," said Jordan. "Not where Elizabeth is concerned."

Just then, I saw Renee stick her head out the car window she was driving and yell, "You two are here to deliver her her homework, not to make small talk with her. Now come on, Elizabeth's expecting us at home." I saw them walk towards the car, sparing me a backwards glance as they went. Josie's face was seen behind a car door before it closed and the car sped away.

_Impossible_, I thought to myself. _There's no way no car can drive that fast. It had to be Italian or something like that, yeah. A freaking Perusis_.

As I sat down to do homework, I couldn't help but wonder who and what Edmund really was. No other boy would be able to run form his car to mine in less than 2 seconds and stop an unraveling paper-mache glue stick with any strength at all. I made up my mind that when I got back to school, I would have a word with Edmund.

And perhaps find out the truth about him.

Yeah.

There I go, getting myself into something that I had no business doing.

And I'm about to pay for it...with my entire life.

* * *

Ok, chapter 5 of **Dumblight** has been completed. What is going to happen to Becca since the near accident? What of the foolish janitor who stole the giant glue stick from Bloor's? And will Becca find out Edmund's secret?

So review and subscribe, as you'll never know when the next chapter is coming out!


	7. Chapter 6

A whole week had passed since the snowball incident and me nearly getting crushed by the paper-mache gluestick.

A week of not seeing Edmund.

A week of just Angelica showing up at my house with homework.

Yeah.

Funny how life works like that.

So anyway, I go back to school, only to see Josie wearing a cape made from hopsack over a shirt that said CANDY CANE ROCKS! She didn't seem to like Candy Cane at all, not with Candy's connections to some murdered little girl who lived in California.

Anyway, it was also the day we went on a field trip to the zoo in science. Mrs. Hammond was starting us off in the animals section of the book, which meant several weeks of studying various animal species and stuff. Just my freaking luck, since I could never get to a zoo when I was a child.

But Rhea and I were sitting far from Eliza Lellowyn, that bratty girl who doesn't even know that she's in high school and not kindergarten. We were assigned to partner with her, but that wasn't to be. Not where there was Angelica and Edmund Dullen for me to deal with.

I was majorly curious as to why Edmund would go and save my life. I mean, sure he saved me from the giant gluestick, but STILL!!! He was standing by the gorilla exhibit when I went to approach him.

"Becca Raven?" he questioned. He was reading a very weird book, a book about a certain person who could read books to life. Inkheart, the title said.

"Isn't that book for children?" I asked curiously.

"Jo handed it to me so I wouldn't be bored," Edmund said.

Time for the big question: "How did you get to me so fast?" I asked.

"When?" he looked up at me.

"The day when I nearly got crushed by the giant gluestick," I said. "How did you get there so fast?"

Edmund looked at me real hard before saying, "I drank Red Bull, which I nicked from Everett, the pathetic show-off. Red Bull really DOES give you wings."

"But I didn't see any wings sprout from your back," I said.

"You were unconscious," he said.

"No I wasn't," I snapped. "I was hiding in my car."

"You mean that black van that looks like it went through World War I, World War II, and The Twenty-Nine Days' Revolution?" he said.

"I got it from a family friend," I shot back. "He's old and he can't drive, so my father gave me his car."

"Well, I'm very sorry because I'm still living in the Epoch of Necrosis," Edmund said. "No one ever tells me about these things."

Just then, Angelica came to him and said, "Edmund, you're falling behind. The rest of the group is at the Spanish Rocktailed Viletongue exhibit and we're waiting for you." Edmund sighed and walked off with Angelica with me following behind.

At the exhibit, we saw several dragons prowling around in one of the largest habitats I have ever seen. One looked at me; it had a serpentine, elongated body with a very long neck. Its thick, translucent scales are red. This dragon has elongated limbs with four digits on each foot. It has small, strange wings running from its shoulders to its lower back. This dragon has a tiny mouth with a prounounced overbite and multiple rows of teeth. It has slitted eyes that are amber. The back of this dragon's head and neck is protected by thick bone.

"Beautiful, isn't he?" Rhea said as she stood behind me.

"I don't know what to make of it," I said. "Dragons, to me, are the stuff of fantasy."

"Wake up then, little dreamer," said Rhea. "Those stories about dragons are real. Don't tell me you know nothing about the Dragon Riders."

"I don't," I said. "My mom was crazy and she used to say stuff like that. I"m surprised they didn't put her in a mental institution somewhere."

Edmund said, "I can't help but wonder if you are too mature for your own good."

"I had to be," I said. "My mom had mental issues, and it wasn't like I could get any help for her. They'd put me in foster care and send her to a hospital somewhere where I won't ever see her again. I couldn't have that so I had to grow up several times faster than the average Earth Titan."

Edmund said, "Well, you must be very certain then." He then walked off, leaving me to my confused thoughts.

* * *

Ok, chapter 6 of **Dumblight** has been completed. Becca is about to find out about Edmund's secret, yet we know about her own: Becca's mother Wanda has mental problems and Becca was afraid to get help for her mother since she fears they would be separated if Becca goes for help. As a result, Becca seems to be more mature than the rest of her classmates.

So review and subscribe, as you'll never know when the next chapter is coming out!


	8. Chapter 7

When I got to school, Logan said, "We're going to ElDofadro Beach. Wanna come?"

"Yeah," I said, remembering that I had never seen a beach when I lived in Presclott and Harry, Runt, and Harmonica weren't even interested in doing fun things with me.

But this time, it was Logan, Chris, Melissa, and Rhea, along with my new friend Nigel Milton, who were heading to the beach.

One more thing:

I saw Edmund standing next to Josie, shielding her as she mixed her chocolate milk with Mr. Pibb. _Gross_ I thought to myself.

"Yeah,' said Edmund, "that's the only thing we can do to get her to drink her milk. She likes things that are quite unhealthy."

Josie pushed past me, saying, "You need to eat some junk food or people will think you're anorexic." She wasn't joking when she said it, however. I was super skinny and it seemed to be quite embarrassing.

I said, "Hey Edmund, everyone's going to the beach this Saturday. Wanna come?"

"I'm not sure," Edmund said. "I have stuff to do and I'm not sure if Chad would let me go." He sighed and returned to his table, where Renee, Everett, Jordan, and Angelica were glaring daggers at me.

That weekend, all six of us were in Nigel's van and at the beach, where the weather was cold and the water was even colder. After a few spills, it turned out that I wasn't much of a surfer at all.

In fact, I sucked at every sport Wanda tried to get me to do.

Except dancing.

And even then, I wasn't well-coordinated to begin with.

I looked up and instead of Edmund, it was only Jesse Blue and his friends showing up. "Whatever happened to your date?" Rhea asked.

"Edmund didn't come," I said. "I wonder why."

"Yeah, about that," said Jesse. "The Dullens don't like to come here."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Years earlier, my grandpa invited them to a beach party," said Jesse. "But that ended badly because Everett lost his swimming trunks and got all green and pruny. Plus, Chad wasn't the kind of guy you'd see on the beach to begin with."

That gave me an idea.

"You know about the Dullens, right?" I asked.

"Yeah," said Jesse. "Like I said, years ago, our ancestors were tired of people showing up on their property, so they disguised themselves as monsters and scared away every white settler who came here. People feared huge wolves, and we thought it would be cool if we turned into huge wolf-men and chased them off."

"So that's why no one ever comes to the beach," I said.

"Yeah," said Jesse. "But my grandfather, Eleazar, saw the Dullens having a picnic in the woods and confronted them. They were vampires, which pleased him greatly, and they signed a treaty, which means only the Dullens are allowed on our lands and we can't tell anyone they are vampires...oh crap! I just did!"

"Sorry," I offered an apology.

"Now dad's not going to be happy about this, so don't tell anyone what I told you," Jesse begged.

"But then again, that explained why he rushed over to my van and stopped that paper-mache gluestick from smashing me," I said.

"Yeah," said Jesse.

That night, I sat on my bed doing some non-school related assignment: who were the Wolverites and why did they assume forms of a wolf? Why did they allow the Dullens onto their lands and chase all the white settlers out?

Or let me try this: suppose the Wolverites hated white settlers and accepted the Dullens because they didn't look like them?

And if that were so, then what did that make the citizens of Snorks?

Vampires.

That was the truth.

I was going to have a word with Edmund Dullen.

(Scene Change)

The following Monday, I knew what I had to do. At lunchtime, I marched up to Edmund ands said to him, "You and I are going to have a little chat."

A chorus of "Ooooooooooooooooooooooohhhh" and whispers followed me as I dragged him out of the cafeteria and away from the school. It was a while before we were in the woods before I said, "I know who you are and I know what you are."

"Explain," Edmund said.

"You are like superfast and stronger than Superman," I chanted. "You appear to be some kind of god and I'm a mere mortal."

"Where are you going with this?" Edmund asked.

"How old are you? 15? 16?" I snapped again.

"17," said Edmund.

"And how long have you been 17?" I snapped a third time.

"Over 100 years," Edmund said.

"Really?" I said. "And how long have you been living in Snorks?"

"About 2 years now," he said. "Where are you going with this?"

"I think you know," I said. "Now answer me this: you're 17 years old, you lived here for 2 years and attended high school and you claim to be over 100 years old..."

"What am I?" Edmund was starting to get angry. "Say it!"

"Vampire," I whimpered.

"Hah!" he said. "I am a vampire!"

"You're not going to eat me, aren't you?" I gasped.

"No way," said Edmund. "We're not thirsty blood drinkers like those Hollywood movies claim that we are. But then again, we live forever and we're super powerful and stuff like that."

"Jesse's right," I said to myself. "You guys _are_ vampires."

"But not Jo," said Edmund. "She's still a human."

"And she lives with you WHY?" I asked.

"Her mom died when she was a baby, so Chad took her in," Edmund said.

"And what about you?" I said.

He swept me onto his back and within 5 seconds, we were on top of a huge hill that overlooked the town. The sun shone on his skin, turning it a shade of gold, with purple sparkles on top. "That's why we don't like to go outside in the sun," Edmund said. "People would freak out if they saw stuff like that." He reached out and tore apart a bone of a bear that had died not too long before. "And I'm strong. fast. Dangerous. You don't want to associate with someone like me."

"And SHE does?"

"She does because she has no other family," Edmund said. "And if not, she would have been sent to a boarding school in Englarin and she wasn't about to go there."

He paused and said, "It was the year 1941 and I was just itching to go and fight, but my parents tried to stop me. But then our home in Pearl Harbor was blown to bits and both my parents perished. Dr. Chad Dullen was working there at the time, and my mother told him to save me; I was badly hurt and nearly died of my injuries. Well, I woke up and Dr. Dullen told me that my parents were dead and I was now a vampire."

"How did you feel about that?" I asked.

"I was very sad for a long time, but then I got better," said Edmund, "especially after Chad rescued Ellen from certain death after she fell off a bridge and died. And then Renee came and Everett followed. Jordan and Angelica showed up a few years later and...why am I telling you this?"

"So I can meet your family," I said hopefully.

"Boris Blue is right," Edmund said. "You ask too many questions and poke your nose in other people's business."

"What else can I do?" I said. "I get dumped by my boyfriend and all my other friends acted like jerks and then my mother remarries and now she's with her new husband and..."

"Why didn't you stay with your mother?" Edmund said.

"I didn't," I said. "I decided to come here."

We said nothing else, but I knew something was about to happen. I didn't know what it was, but it was true.

"And so the Eagle fell in love with the Raven," said Edmund.

"What a foolish and pathetic Raven," I said.

"What a disgusting, greedy, and evil Eagle," Edmund said back.

* * *

Ok, chapter 7 of **Dumblight** has been completed. I just HAD to put the "_lion fell in love with the lamb_" quote in the story, but I twisted it up to make it even funnier than it already is!

And now that the romance has begun, how will Becca be able to handle the fact that Edmund is a vampire? And what of Edmund's ability to withstand Becca?

So review and subscribe, as you'll never know when the next chapter is coming out!


	9. Chapter 8

_"And so the Eagle fell in love with the Raven," said Edmund._

_"What a foolish and pathetic Raven," I said._

_"What a disgusting, greedy, and evil Eagle," Edmund said back._

* * *

Well, there were three things in the world that were certainly true:

#1:_ Edmund was a vampire. Not like those stereotypical Hollywood types. But a real, existing vampire. Just what I needed._

#2: _There was a part of him that wanted to kill me. Kill me and prevent me from dumping any more guys, since I seem to date guys the way other people change their shoes._

#3: _And the third thing was, I realized that I knew he was the one for me._

Yeah. That's how it all goes.

* * *

That same night, I sat in my room wondering what I had gotten myself into. Edmund Dullen was a vampire. I was nothing more than a girl who judged my dates based on unrealistic expectations.

And we hooked up WHY?

OK, now imagine how I managed to get myself into this state.

I meet a cute boy, who saves my life, and oh, he's a vampire.

Life just somehow gotten interesting.

And it also got quite dangerous.

The next day, Edmund and I walked all the way to school. Or rather, he drove me to school in his fancy car. Everyone gasped as they saw us coming. Edmund just said, "Ignore them, for they know not of what they are envying." I nodded, but that didn't make me feel any better.

And as for Chris, Logan, Melissa, and Rhea, they were just as shocked as everyone else. But Edmund's family was downright jealous. But did I care about what they all thought? NO!

So anyway, we spent a good part of the day together and when it came time for lunch, I did see the rest of the Dullens anywhere, nor was little Josie Candace with her anti-teenybopping group. _Where did they all go_, I wondered to myself.

Edmund said, "Well, for some reason, they packed their bags and left for the day. I can't imagine my mom being happy about that at all. Anyway, do you want to, you know, hang out and stuff?"

"Yeah," I said. But little did we know that our lives would take a turn for the fangs...

* * *

(normal POV)

Let's have some random guy go fishing in his boat and three vampires show up. Let's make the vampires two guys and a girl. Here we go.

Doug was in his fishing boat when a strange woman with red hair showed up. Just then, a dark-skinned young man with twists in his hair stood next to him. A blond haired man stood behind him.

Doug said, "Uh, why are you here?"

The blond man said, "Aren't you that dumbassed cousin of the original Temmy from _Temmy & Venus_?"

"The new Temmy sucks," said the dark haired man. "Having her be a Muslim? Please! The writers can do so much better than THAT!"

"Uh, Joey, Francois, let's not mock him," said Susannah, "and besides, the new Temmy is 1,000 times better than the old. Now, let's have some lunch. I'm starving."

Francois agreed. "Do you know what we are?" The vampires stood up and did a crazy pose.

"Yes," said Doug. "You're the White-Haired Beans!"

Joey was furious. "No!" he yelled out. "We are NOT the White-Haired Beans! Why does everyone in the world always think that we're the White-Haired Beans?" Doug pointed to Susannah. "I get it, I get it," said Joey, "she looks like Gigi."

"What about him," said Doug as he pointed to Francois.

"Yeah, everyone thinks he looks like Phil-Li-Tip," said Joey, "but do they have an actual White guy in their group? NO!"

"And besides," said Francois, "we are the Nomads."

"So, you're some kind of rock band?" said Doug.

"No, we are vampires," said Joey.

"So, you're some kind of vampire rock band?" said Doug.

"NO!" Joey was very angry now. "We are vampires! What part of that do you not understand?"

Doug just would not quit. "So you guys are..."

Joey had had enough of this. "We are vampires," he snarled, "we eat people! And I think we'll start with _you_!"

He stood up and pounced on Doug. Francois and Susannah also pounced on Doug. And no one was around to hear him scream...

* * *

Ok, chapter 8 of **Dumblight** has been completed.

I gotta feeling that we now have some complications in the form of 3 troublemaking nomads who are posing as a popular rock band! Will the people of Snorks survive?

So review and subscribe, as you'll never know when the next chapter is coming out!


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